First entry

I’m relieved!!  Finally!! I don’t know what’s troubling me, but I can feel that I’m at ease. Very . . . Indeed, fascinating.

Well, as I know, this is my first entry, so let me start it with a greeting. Merry Christmas! Although it’s kinda late, but it’s still 25. Why, I feel alive in this very moment. Many thoughts are rolling in my head that I don’t even know what to write. Ah, I know. As always, I can feel Christmas when I’m with my cousin and our other two friends. The moments we always share, we even went to malls when our birthdays come, we talk about strange things that sometimes no one understands us. Oh, I assure me, it’s fun, really. But what I really like most is that we sleep very, very late at night that its morning already. I shouldn’t talk about that four us; I should talk about what happened today. Ha! This is not my notebook anymore where I can write anything that enters my mind. (laughs)

But this is my first Christmas that we didn’t spend most of our time together since we reached high school. It’s sad, but I’m expecting it since uncle’s here.

We went to our grandmother’s house as always. Our families always gather there not only during Christmas but also during important occasions. Why, I couldn’t really understand why I spend so much time in reading my books this time. It’s just that I wanted to be alone and let my mind wonder. Haha. But honestly, I really wanted to see her.  And she’ll always tell her secrets especially her . . . oh, it’s a secret. Now, I forgot his name. Sshhh! Sometimes I prefer her to be my sister instead. Of course, because we share the same interests. Particularly . . . it’s just between the two of us. Oh, but when afternoon came, we went to their house. (Sighs) As always, she’s waiting. Why when she saw me, “Gie!!”  And she’ll give me her warm smile. Of course, I’ll hug her in return. Oh God, I really want her to be my sister. And then, we sat in the balcony. And we started talking. The very first thing she told me was about Ulquiorra. And then I burst out laughing, and she laughed too. Of course, she knows why I laughed, she always knows. And then about her! Oh my, I knew it, she likes them too!!! Ok, back to him. She asked me if I saw him die. Of course, I did. And I can’t get it out of my head, as a matter of fact. My very first question when he died is that, “Why did he die?!” Oh when I saw him reached out to her. It’s very . . . um . . . touching. Did he really gain a heart after all??? That’s the biggest question that nobody seems to know the answer, but I think, he really did gain . . . a little.

Ha! The conversation about them was cut off in an instant because we both know that we’ll continue it some time. Next week, perhaps. I’ll sleep in there! Haha. But two days before that is that I’ll be with my aunt first. I really do love her little house. It’s so quiet in there, unlike our house, very noisy that I hate it.

Back to us. We planned what we will do when her birthday comes. But again, I think that this is her first birthday since we reached high school that the four of us won’t go the mall. I really wonder why uncle is not letting her. Perhaps, he just wanted to spend time with his daughter. I know that, all fathers do. But it’s our yearly routine! Yearly? I like it. But it’s true. I remember last year, my cousin spent her time with us, in our house. I’m in there house, 26 or 27 I think. Then father fetch me and I ask her mom if she can go with me. Ha! She let her. And then every night, we watched movies, sleep late. Then, I brought her everywhere I go. We talked about every topic we knew. I’d really be thankful if that moment can be repeated. Mother is even arguing about our noise. And we open the windows and lean against it and read books. The air, cold. We always find our own worlds amusing. Because in there . . . I don’t know what word to use. Not perfect but rather, just okay for the two of us. Ha, am I caught up in the past? I should rather focus about the present. (smiles)

Uncle is planning to give her a birthday blast in their house! She doesn’t want it. She told me. Haha. Of course she doesn’t want it; we’re used of celebrating it outside. OUTSIDE. But it’s her father alright, but we . . . I accept that we can’t do it this year.  Please God, let us do it next year. Maybe, it’ll be our last time to be together, don’t you think too? Also, she wants to stay in our house. Haha. Of course, I want her to be here too. Right here, beside me. Because when she’s beside me, sure, I’m not alone. Ah! This whole thing is not what we planned!!! I can’t believe that uncle’s stay will be this long! I can’t help it, I’m frustrated, again. Oh no, I shouldn’t be frustrated, I should be happy, because it’s been years that uncle wasn’t able to be with her daughter during her day. Alright, we admit defeat. We sure can’t complain. Ha!

We are so caught up in our own conversation that mother told me it’s already time to go home. Home? We’re not heading there first but I need to say goodbye to her already and then we left. We went to Pototan first. Oh, I’ll tell you, the lights, magnificent. What I like most is the big Christmas tree. Oh, I like everything since brother is with me. Haha. We took a stroll around the plaza twice. We passed the fountain too. PURRFECT. And then we arrived home, already past 8.